2021, All Packed Up.
In 2021, I tried a few new things:
The year I read more books than ever before in my life (86);
wrote more than 70,000 words of diary;
collected my first ever NFTs;
took part in a national rowing competition for the first time;
took on high training volumes for the first time: a 4,000-metre indoor rowing race, and 18 holes of golf four days in a row;
moved from Beijing to Shanghai;
decided to start living a low-carbon, eco-friendly life;
raised my sleep from under 6 hours to an average of more than 7.5;
officially announced I'd quit drinking;
started learning to code (I didn't stick with it, but I'm restarting in 2022);
got into the habit of getting up early, around 7;
tried intermittent fasting, less red meat and a low-carb diet;
let myself relax — skipped work to see the first snow of the new year at Ditan Park;
did two big rounds of decluttering;
studied interior design.
Of course, I did even more silly things this year. For example, I bought a new computer to learn Python, and then didn't write a single line of code...
I wanted to write about this year's growth and reflections, but when I picked up my pen, there were always a thousand threads. Then I read The Human Domain, and suddenly I was freed from the pressure that "writing needs structure and logic". In the form of notes, my wandering thoughts can simply appear as they are, raw and unpolished. I want to turn certain moments of thought from 2021 into a piece of amber, set it down in this moment, and then keep moving forward.
What I share below has no logic; these are just thoughts from particular moments, and not mature ones. I'm posting them only to push myself to do better next year:
A strong person needs to dissect even her own state of mind "ruthlessly", every cut to the bone, never deceiving herself in the slightest. To tolerate and accept her own foolishness, and then have the courage to change, to "try again". How difficult that is — but this is the life I want. Like "scraping the bone to heal the wound" or "cleansing the meridians and purifying the marrow" in xianxia novels, it all means going through pain, gritting your teeth to sort things out, and staying clear-headed. If you let yourself pass out, you wake up with nothing, nothing at all. Just as muscle is built up bit by bit, so is character: break down, rebuild, break down again, rebuild again.
What's the point of squeezing yourself dry down to the last drop? It's nothing more than trying to relieve inner anxiety through physical exhaustion. It does nothing for body or mind; you still need balance between effort and rest.
Repeating the other person's words is a powerful psychological cue — the human "convergent behaviour" signals that we are the same kind, that we can earn each other's trust, and that the relationship is moving towards harmony. Not only in words, but also in tone, body language, speech and eye contact — its core is imitation!
On decluttering — although I didn't throw out heaps of stuff, every item was examined, and it gave me a real sense of control over my life. If the only standard is whether something can still be used, the bar is too low, and you end up surrounded by lots of things rather than mostly by things you love. After decluttering, you're surrounded by things you love, and your happiness rises enormously. Also, when you have too many things, you can't find what you want when you need it. If you can't find it you buy a new one, and it becomes a vicious cycle.
Every anxious day is a wasted day. When you focus on solving your own problems, you can live this life well, because when you look inward, the world has so much knowledge and truth waiting to be drawn from.
There is no road that leads to sincerity, because sincerity itself is the road.
The best love is protecting the perfect/beautiful version of themselves that the other person holds in their heart. An "ego massage" has to find the right pressure point, and that point is the ideal self-image in the other person's eyes.
Think Again: being both humble and confident means knowing your shortcomings while also knowing you can succeed if you put in the effort.
Managing in the Gray taught me not to rely on myself, but to ask the people I hire to argue against me.
Whatever the circumstances, never say "I don't have time" or "I don't have money" — never say there isn't enough time or enough money. — Yataro Matsuura. Because not having enough time or money is an objective law of the world.
Pay attention to carrying out [the smallest action that can be taken immediately] and [a ladder of sustainable actions].
When a person loses control, they develop what psychologists call a "hostage mentality". Powerless in the confrontation, they become extremely defensive, or tend to lash out.
What a useless and enormously destructive thing it is to lose your temper.
A surge of gratitude rose in me, because this failure made me realise that a destructive temper and emotions are a huge thorn in my personality, and this incident will help me grind it down.
I suddenly realised: the person I need to defeat is actually myself. I need to stay clear-headed through this process and keep my emotions under control.
A good figure is the best fashion.
"END THIS EGO TRIP. WE ARE TINY PARTS OF AN ENLESS UNIVERSE." DAVID ANEXANDER FLINN
At every stage of your life, stay calm. If you can avoid getting angry, avoid flaring up — yes, slow your heartbeat down and let your mind focus on thinking about your most important goal — then you can be creative, and you can get things done.
"We may use logic to reason our way close to a conclusion, but in the end it is our emotions that make the decision."
Human animality, and the relationship between social development and human animality — we used to always debate whether human nature is good or evil, and Christianity also discusses humanity's original sin and its divine part. When I explain it through "animality", I understand it better. Whether jealousy, infidelity and lying, or sacrifice, tolerance and care, these don't come from two opposing sides of human nature, but from the "animality" carved into our genes over the course of our evolution across countless millennia. We need to survive as individuals and as groups, so we have competition and cruelty, and also altruism and devotion.
In Zizhi Tongjian (Comprehensive Mirror in Aid of Governance), Zhi Guo says to Zhi Yao: "When one person errs three times, resentment does not lie only in what is visible; one must plan against what is not yet seen." — If someone makes too many mistakes, don't wait until others' pent-up resentment explodes before thinking of a response; prevent trouble before it happens. "A gentleman who is diligent in small matters will have no great calamities." — If a ruler doesn't lose caution in the details, he won't bring great disaster upon himself. "Gnats, ants, bees and scorpions can all harm people, let alone a ruler or a minister." — Gnats, ants, bees and scorpions all refer to small insects; if even tiny insects can hurt people, how much more so the ruler and chief minister of a state? These three lines are so well said; even today they are the best words for urging people to be careful and thorough in how they act and conduct themselves.
Just as a samurai's sword needs a whetstone, the mind needs books to sharpen it.
One should follow the great Way, and the great Way is one's daily habits. Scheming how to gain a little advantage, how to hoodwink some people — these are the last things one should do. One should think about how to do a thing well, how to write an article well, how to spend this minute, this hour, this day well, how to listen to a song, appreciate a painting, understand a great person, or keep good company with the people you love, thinking about what matters to them; to sense other people's feelings and lives, to understand a period of history in depth, an ancient building or a new scientific discovery — all of this is the great Way, the right Way. Thinking about how bad some people are, dwelling on the weaknesses of human nature, may make me cunning and worldly, and at the same time will corrode one's heart. Better to be simple and plain than slick and worldly-wise. I'd rather be a bit clumsy, a bit foolishly plain, even a bit slow, but a bit more pure and kind. But not so blunt that it ruins things — best to be pure and kind but not stupid.
I should live my life well: not lazy, not hasty, not slack, not anxious, with goals — very, very high goals, goals that go beyond my life, even beyond my lifetime.
Don't rush. Don't rush to find something to do just because you want to find something to do. Keep learning, keep enriching yourself, keep searching, and keep testing as you search, until the thing falls into place naturally. Don't be afraid of being late, as long as you keep creating value along the way.
A diary really is a wonderful thing; it makes you aware of your life. Aware of the good and bad things around you, rather than drifting through in a daze.
Feng Tang said: "A good IQ and a good EQ are not as good as good habits." Having confirmed that I don't have a good IQ (and recently confirmed I don't have a good EQ either), this is what I must stick to. Good habits can help me overcome my shortcomings, or at least make up for them a little.
"Act decisively; don't agonise over whether you already have the perfect plan, especially in fast-changing situations." Right now, this is very useful to me. Doing every single thing well — this is very important.
"There's no such thing as perfection in the world, so design the best possible state within imperfection, and then stay there."
The style I like has gone from chaotic, free-spirited bohemian, to Japanese-style organising, and then to the symmetry and lively richness of some traditional aesthetics. Quite a lot of change.
I should take conscientious responsibility for every detail, because this is my life, and every minute and every second belongs to me. This is a live performance — no retakes, no starting over. Every second is my life, so since I'm doing it, why not do it as well as I can?
I need to learn to recognise the weaknesses in my heart: what makes me easy to hook, what my weaknesses are, what can move me, or be used to manipulate me. Only by knowing these weaknesses clearly can I avoid them.
Once there is a constraint, nothing else can get in. A person has to draw a circle on the ground for herself in order to have her own boundary; without a boundary there is no sense of domain. You can neither limit yourself, nor be without limits. Because before a person with a finite life, the infinite is "nothing". A person must set limits for herself — first set no limits, then choose a territory, a well, and dig until water comes out, until she grasps the next level of understanding. Otherwise "the infinite", for a finite life, is closer to "nothing". Because it can never be exhausted, and you can never see the end, so in the end there is nothing at all. (This passage should be read alongside "Cutting Clouds" in The Submarine at Night.)
Why should a person aim high and hold the whole world in her heart? Because each of us has only 24 hours a day; however efficient we are, the variable can't become astonishingly large. But the difference in effectiveness between people can be astonishingly large, because the same time, used to do different things and to think about things in different dimensions, produces vastly different results. A person should have a heart as vast as the wide world, and the openness of having her feet on the ground; should look up at the stars, and also enjoy the present; should feel the urgency of a finite life, and also have the wisdom of seeing a world in a single flower. This is hard, and it requires a dynamic balance, but this is life's practice. If a person realises when young that ambition is not only what we can do for the world, but also a lighthouse we light in order to become better versions of ourselves. It will guide our growth, guide us through the boredom and emptiness of life, strengthen our bodies, firm up our willpower, and when we meet hardship and suffering, let us find joy and meaning in it. Ambition isn't something vulgar, clichéd or outdated. Ambition is where we come from, and also the road that takes us home.
Finally, I'd like to give a poem by a Russian poet that I heard today to the coming year of 2022, and to my friends.
A Lonely Ship
Lermontov
A ship sails alone upon the sea,
it neither seeks happiness,
nor flees from happiness,
it simply sails onward,
below it the calm, azure sea,
and above it the golden sun.
What it is about to face,
and what has already passed,
compared with what lies buried deep within it,
are all mere specks of foam.
Everyone, my wishes for the new year: may everything you meet bring you joy, and everything you gain be good and kind!